I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
