I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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