i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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