Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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