Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
