When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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