I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
