Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
