I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
