it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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