My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Someone came in the potted fern
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
