wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
