So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
