Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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