dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
