Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just want nice things and good sex
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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