I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
