just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
