I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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