you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
