Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We talked him into tasing himself.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize