just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
