remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
