...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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