is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
