walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
