I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
