is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
