Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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