I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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