i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Still dying that you shit outside
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
