We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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