You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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