i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize