I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
