there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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