Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they're like a gay fantastic four
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize