when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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