I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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