Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
