so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
