you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
