Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
