Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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