Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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