9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
