It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
