You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
