I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
