Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
