You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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