why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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