Will you blow on my dice?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
