I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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