Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
