Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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