What did we do last night that was yellow?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
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nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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