I puked a lego.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
