actually, I'm a sock model
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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