my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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