bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
