"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
40s are totally the cure
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
