i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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