I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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